


L's IQ Test

by xDelete



Category: Death Note
Genre: AU, Gen, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-09
Updated: 2014-01-09
Packaged: 2018-01-08 02:43:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1127402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xDelete/pseuds/xDelete
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Characters of Death Note take L's 'specialized' IQ test. Their answers will floor you. First Death Note fic. First fic that didn't have an obvious yaoi component. AU-ish since all characters are in pre-pubescent form.</p>
            </blockquote>





	L's IQ Test

"Good morning, everyone!"

"Good morning, Mr. Yagami." The class chorused.

The brunet laughed and waved his hands at the class. "Please, please. Just 'Light' is fine." In response, the room of students smiled back at him. Light then took out a folder containing just as many papers. "L and I have finished looking over your tests."  _Meaning L literally 'looked' over them while Light marked them all._  "Now, would you rather we talk about them as a class, or—."

"Yes!" The children said eagerly, though Light could see the competitive sparkle in their eyes.

He smiled. "Okay, when L calls your name, please step forward and collect your IQ tests." He patted them on the desk before placing it in front of the raven, ignoring the rhythmic biting of nails.

"Afterlife. Beyond. Counterfeit. Destination." … "Maki. Matt. Mello. Misa." … "Tenacious. Teru. Undefined. Valence." L called out, unenthusiastically, to the untrained ear, as each pre-teen came forward.

The school liked to keep track of each student's learning curve every year, so intelligence quotient tests were written. However, this year, Light regretted L being in charge of its formation. Why?

"Now I know you'll be showing these to your friends… and I can see that some of you already are…" Kiyomi giggled and straightened up in her seat. "But I want you all to understand that we should not make fun of someone who might have a lower IQ than yours. This is not a competition; this is for us teachers and for you, so we know what level of learning you are at. In short, this makes sure you're not bored in class." Some kids in the back row chuckled. "Now." Light looked at L in the corner of his eye; perched on his chair, crouched over, hands on knees and staring blankly at the class. "Ryuzaki, shall we begin?"

"Right." L said simply, stood up and walked around the desk with an answered copy of the children's test. "Question 1."  _Here we go._

**"How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?"**

"Beyond," L started, "please read your answer."

A black-haired boy with pale skin rose from his seat in the front row of the class. "You chop up its legs and neck into little pieces so they all fit into the refrigerator."

The older man seemed unfazed by such an answer but continued almost mechanically. "There were many variations of answers to this question. However, the correct answer was:"

**"Open the refrigerator, put the giraffe in and close the door."**

"This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way." Light explained to those students looking back at L in slight amazement. "Now, since the nature of this test is somewhat cumulative, L and I encourage you to go through this now as if you were taking the test again. We've marked all your incorrect answers; challenge yourself, now."

"Question 2."  _Oh, boy._

" **How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?"**

"Misa-Misa, please read your answer aloud." L looked at the blonde girl with pigtails as she stood up somewhat shyly. "Umm, I don't think I got this one right, "she said, looking at her paper, a large, red slash through her answer. "I said you couldn't put an elephant inside a refrigerator because it was too big, but since Beyond's answer was wrong… I wanna say 'Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant and close the door!" Misa said cheerily, oblivious to the narrowed red eyes directed at her from the boy in the front.

"I'm sorry. That answer is incorrect."

" _WHAT_?"

L ignored such a reaction. "Near, would you please read out your answer?"

All eyes turned to the white-haired boy in pyjamas as it was his turn to stand up, not quite being taller than if he were crouched in his seat.  _ **"**_ **Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door."**  The boy recited quietly and sat down shortly after. He looked nowhere but the front of the class while playing with his hair. Any poor lip-mimicking from the blond boy sitting in the next desk went by unnoticed or uncared for.

"Very good, Near." L nodded, then addressed the rest of the class. "That answer was correct."

"This question was supposed to test your ability to think through the repercussions of your actions." Light said, mostly to Misa. And Teru sitting mournfully behind her.

"On we go," L said quickly. " **The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All animals attend except one. Which animal does not attend?** " Light shook his head at the drawing of Raffiki hoisting little Simba in the air on Pride Rock. "Maki, recite your answer please."

The little girl put her bear down and got to her feet. "Simba is the one that does not attend, since he is too young."

"Sorry, incorrect," he said gently. "Matt?" L turned his head but a millimetre to look at the redhead sitting lazily beside Mello.

The boy stood up and readjusted his goggles to examine his answer.  **"** **The elephant; he's still in the refrigerator.** "

"Excellent."

Light echoed his praise. "This question was to test your memory. Well done, Matt." The redhead responded with an indifferent nod of his head directed somewhere to the front of the class. "Now for the final question,  **There is a river you must cross. But crocodiles inhabit it. How do you manage?** We read some interesting answers, so-." Mello's hand shot up. "Yes, Mello, would you like to read yours first?"

"Yes." Even incorrect, the 12-year-old was still quite proud of his answer and sought this as a way to impress his teachers and to put that big-headed Near in his place. He cleared his throat. "You sweet-talk one of your friends into jumping in first and getting the crocodiles' attention. Then you swim across yourself!" Mello smiled widely.

"…" The class was quiet. Even the lethargic boy in the seat next to him looked up to the blond with …shock.

"That's… very interesting, Mello." Light mused then noticed another hand raised. "Yes, Kujo. Go ahead."

The attractive brunet with her hair in a bun spoke clearly. "You inject the crocodiles with a bio-hazardous disease. When they go belly up, you crocodile hop."

"…"

The brunet teacher nodded slowly. "Creative. Kiyomi?"

"Get your body guards to shoot them mercilessly!" Matt fell off his chair.

L looked to the gangly boy in the first row. "Afterlife?"

"You swim across."

"Why." L said more than asked.

"All the crocodiles are attending the Animal Conference."

"Good job, A." Light smiled. "This tested whether you learn quickly from your mistakes."

"You're only able to say that now, since you failed when I first gave  _you_  the test." The class laughed at L's unhanded comment at their teacher, before a rather shrill noise filled the room.

"Wow, that took longer than I expected. Okay everyone. It's time for recess. Put those tests away. Don't lose them!" Light called to the class while straightening out his desk.

Mello tucked in his seat and stretched. When he looked to his friend, he was surprised to see dark, narrowed blue eyes directed at him. "What?" Matt said nothing, looking more disappointed than angry. He grabbed his DS from his bag and left the class promptly. "Matt!" The blond cried without acknowledgement.

Near, calmly tucking his own chair in, looked at the blond frantically trying to weave through the other desks to keep up with his friend.

"Loser."  
  
 _ **The End**_


End file.
